I remember the last time I sought truth. At the time I had been wondering what to do with myself; anxious to use the little life I had put together. So I tuned in to get some advice. Listening was easy; I was told what morals to hold and which ones were outdated. I heard the news about companies who deserved my money because of their standards and practices, and which ones were undeserving. I listen because actors rehearse their lines. I read because people learned how to write. …

(No Caption)

On Separating You From Me, And Me From Myself.

If and when I’m honest with myself I always find I have a problem; caring about what other people think. Now, in 2020 it’s easy to see how this could be a good thing. It’s easy to say that all of us could benefit from caring less about what other people think and instead focusing on living more, producing more and having more fun with only ourselves in mind. However, when I allow myself to venture this path it seems moot — what’s the point of living if other people aren’t…

If you’ve read previous posts of mine you could (likely, and correctly) conclude that I spend a lot of time in my head Most of this time is working and reworking problems, changing angles and examining solutions and information I have or lack as I think. In short, for better or worse, I think.

That said, part of my personal plight and one that seems to be reflected in other people I see whom I consider “thinking” individuals is recognition of the unknown and the struggle to digest the vastness of what exactly it is we, the people trying our…

How To Be A Man For 2019 (And Beyond)

model: jackjack41. Photo by author.

I admit, this writing comes after a series of shall we say spicy conversations with family members. In these conversations the subject of clinging to our beliefs has come up front and center, with my disagreement seeming to drive the others to stare and reflect to the point of frustration. As such, I continue to evaluate what makes a better man and what traits need to be discarded as soon as possible.

DISCLAIMER: I am a man. I identify as a male and the considerations here are things I have gathered…

With the recent casting of Halle Bailey, a black actress / singer as the Little Mermaid in Disney’s upcoming live-action remake I have seen a lot of conversation from both pro and anti colored mermaid groups. So, since I use Medium as a springboard to get my writing in motion, I typically do not address pop culture concerns but this is important.

As a disclaimer (is that what this is? It feels wrong to disclose pigment but here we are.) I would appear “White” at a glance but my (deceased) grandfather was noted as black so I identify as mixed…

Photo: Matthew Squaire

I sat for a while thinking about what mental meat to gnaw on for this post — I use this site a runway to launch my ideas for the day so I needed something to fuel me as I prepared to take off. While I was considering that thought it hit me — I could talk about my ketogenic diet!

Half kidding.

I do adhere to a Ketogenic or “Keto” diet, but that is the surface-level manifestation of the topic I found myself considering: doing things we can now for when we have to do them later.


A quick disclaimer here; this post is personal experience and not meant to be comprehensive — just personal practices that seem to work. If you need help, in any area in life, get help.

There is absolutely a loop that one can fall into where the lack of energy to complete a task leaves it undone, the undone task leads to exasperation at yourself that you’re not doing anything and then that leaves you defeated. …

I do not like kids.

That’s it, the statement that I have struggled to become comfortable saying around family and friends. I’ve found solace with other friends who feel the same, but mentally bucking the trend of ‘creating a family’ sitting as a life goal has taken some time and a lot of self discovery. Thankfully it has allowed me to shake hands with myself and in turn discover what it is I do like.

I want to add a small caveat to the statement above (because it does exist) before going on; I love my family, so any kids…

If I’m driving, showering or working out I’m most likely letting my mind wander, the exception being that sometimes on long drives I push myself to listen to audio books while I drive (gotta be well-read, right?). The music is typically on in any of the three scenarios above and that seems to help my mind escape so I set it free to seek whatever thoughts it wants to settle on. After awhile I’ll mentally hold out my arm again and catch my mind so I can review whatever it has caught — think hawking but mentally.

As I drove…

Since 2017 I have been recording the Video Games I have finished. ‘Finished’ means completed the main quest or campaign unless otherwise indicated. Further, I have indicated what console I played each game on next to it.

Enjoy, and feel free to suggest any others to add to my ‘To Play 2019’ list!

  1. Okami HD (PS4)
  2. Agents of Mayhem (PS4)
  3. Metro 2033 Redux (PS4)
  4. Mass Effect 3 (360)
  5. Inside (PS4)
  6. Prey (2017) (PS4)
  7. The Witcher 3 Wild Hunt (X1)
  8. Hyper Light Drifter (X1)
  9. Metal Gear Solid V: TPP (X1)
  10. Bayonetta (360)
  11. Tesla Vs. Lovecraft (PS4)
  12. SUPERHOT (X1)
  13. The Last of Us (PS4)
  14. Shadow Of The Colossus (PS4)
  15. Oxenfree (X1)
  16. God of War 2018 (PS4)
  17. 20XX (PS4)
  18. Spider-man PS4
  19. Little Nightmares (PS4)
  20. Assassin’s Creed Odyssey (PC)
  21. Super Smash Bros Ultimate (All fighters) (Switch)
  22. Owl Boy (Switch)

Matthew Squaire

I'm writing things I think about sometimes. Often I use Medium as a springboard into other writing. @mattaghetti

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