How To Be A Man For 2019 (And Beyond)
I admit, this writing comes after a series of shall we say spicy conversations with family members. In these conversations the subject of clinging to our beliefs has come up front and center, with my disagreement seeming to drive the others to stare and reflect to the point of frustration. As such, I continue to evaluate what makes a better man and what traits need to be discarded as soon as possible.
DISCLAIMER: I am a man. I identify as a male and the considerations here are things I have gathered from extensive reading and reflection.
- It’s Write To Listen.
I noticed fairly early on through my various studies that writing and taking notes is a vital way to clear confusion. This is the case whether you are reading something online, listening to a podcast or doing pretty much anything worth doing. That said, this item as at the top of the list because (especially in conversation) it can become a contest of “right” versus being heard or listening. I would wholeheartedly suggest that at any point when conversation may go sideways — be it friends, family, relationships and so on — that you incorporate the use of a notepad of some type. Writing out explicitly the points that matter when learning is key, but writing out the ground covered, especially that which is agreed upon, can become vital very quickly. Also it makes each party have their own word to adhere to. I would further recommend having each party writing their own points or thoughts; clarity is key.
2. Searching And Researching.
We the people who are growing into an age of internet saturation have the need for fact-checking woven deep into our fabric. It is all too common that conversation is quickly fact-checked be it news, spelling of a word or even verifying information about a mutual friend such as checking something posted on social media. Because of this, it always bewilders me that anyone can choose to live in ignorance of the world and those therein when knowing more is easier than ever. I don’t mean to ingest every piece of news (lest your gluttony will surely kill you) but I would hope that any person who is clinging to their idea of what a man “is” has included the ability to know and learn. When in doubt, allow the renaissance to be your guide as we’re going through another explosion of information now.
3. Study Empathy.
I meditated on the interaction of males and females and this is the best way I could conclude to write this. Regardless of what a “man” or “woman” is to you (since in 2019 those terms seem to be being evaluated like no other time) it would behoove nearly all people to do an in-depth analysis of empathy. Just like the study of anything else this may be reading books, meditation, listening to lectures, conversation, writing notes or any other form that may be required until it becomes something you understand. Now in my time I have absolutely found self-indulgent ways of discussing this in books and conversations I have participated in. However, just like in any other study our goal is to critically examine the information as it pertains to us, not the person who teaches it, so a multifaceted study on empathy will do nothing but aid your ability to use it.
4. Yield When Wrong, Know When Right.
“Yield When Wrong, Fight When Right” was the original thought but that seems less correct the more I think about it. Let us consider a problem you are presented with and have an opinion on, and further, let us suppose the two possible outcomes (you’re wrong or you’re right). If you’re incorrect and you realize so, EAT CROW. First of all, if you’ve been here before you know I adhere to the ketogenic diet and crow is keto, but jokes aside the faster you are willing to address your own incorrect stance the faster it can be mended. If the other person makes fun of you / looks down on you / anything else negative because you admit your mistake that is either because they are immature about being right or because you were being childish in your ignorance back when you thought you were correct, so either way you’ve likely set yourself up for this moment, best to take it to the chin and suffer through while promising yourself you’ll do better next time.
On the other hand, if you are right about something indisputably I changed the word from “Fight” to “Know” because being right is not always something worth fighting for. This isn’t to say that we should not fight for what is right but if you are correct about “B” being the second letter of the American alphabet and another functioning adult disagrees you only become exhaustively stupid when you continue to suffer that conversation. In such a case, if you know that you know you’re correct it may be considerably more wise to yield the conversation for the sake of the other parties stupidity which will very likely remained untarnished through all reasonable evidence.
At the end, being a “man” may be receiving a lot of review and consideration in 2019 and it should be — all things should be. We change as a planet, a society and individuals so evaluating the best way we can behave is a daily, moment-to-moment consideration. I encourage working to dispose of ignorance, increase empathy and not making a habit out of suffering foolish behavior whenever possible.
Matt Squaire
